Saturday, October 29, 2011

Doors, Drawers and Automobiles

Do you know what I hate?  Breaking nails.  Actually having the choice to take down nail length is a good feeling, otherwise cursing and wishing I could take back those 5 seconds takes over my whole being.

We can give all the moisturizing love we want to our nails, but if we don't modify simple everyday tasks, nail breaks will happen ... frequently.  Trust me, I am the master of breaking nails for no good reason.  Hopefully, this post will make you think twice about how you approach door handles, zippers, and countless other stupid tasks that have resulted in broken nails. And if you don't believe me ask any of these lovely ladies how they open a drawer ....
ANOTHER Bottle of Polish?!
Nail Bamboo
Nails Beautiqued
Manicure Addict
Acetone and Old Lacquer
Them Pretty Colors
My Simple Little Pleasures

Am I seriously telling you how to open a drawer ... YEP.

Let's consider the following situations in picture form:

Do you see this stupid red door?  I hate it.  It's red because it's evil like the devil.  Actually this is the door from this post.

This is the improper way of opening/closing the hinge.  As you may imagine, one slip and the thumb nail is a gonner.  This is exactly what happened in this previous post

Also look at this sexy polish here.
A better way to handle this situation is shown here.  Tuck in the thumb and use the side of your fingers to slide the hinge.

BUT! Then you still have to pull the door open or shut.  Don't use the hinge to do this either.  This should be done like so ....

Manipulate the door open/closed by grabbing a hold of it from the top of the stall. GENIUS!

I can't tell you how many times my hands have slipped with this drawer.  Instead of lightly gripping it like shown ...

... grip that baby firmly!  No slippage, guaranteed!

 Want to see more of this polish? Go here.

How about knobs?!

Not like this.

Like this!

Then there are those knobs with buttons for locks.  My thumb nails can't function around them.  I use my knuckle.

I'll probably have a bone growth there eventually ... better than a broken nail though.

Is there anything strange that you do to avoid breaking a nail?

P.S. The title of this post was inspired by the hilarious movie... Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.  John Candy is AWESOME.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Like an old lady

...correction ... the coolest old lady ever!  Sometimes I get pleasantly surprised on the metro.  Usually there is some jerk clipping his nails or doing something else really disgusting.  Recently, however, I saw this old lady (sorry old lady your sun damage gave you away) with a bangin' mani, which inspired me to have something similar. 

She was wearing something dark, not black, but so darn shiny that it blinded me from a far.  She was totally fierce!

OPI - Midnight in Moscow

In this lighting it looks black, but oh so hot.

Direct sun shows the burgundy tones within.

Simply delicious.

Crisp and classic.  Good job old lady, I strive to be like you one day ... minus the wrinkles.

Look at this crap no one wants in Ulta.  Fail Fiona, Fail.  You are not that fierce. 

Sunday, October 16, 2011

M to the I to the A

Oh hey there guys!  Long time no see.  Typically I hate the types of posts that explain long absences, so writing this post is like torture.  More often than not, life gets busy and priorities set in right?  I'll spare you the dirty details, but that is exactly the case at the moment.  I have so many things to write about (or in progress posts), but not enough hours in the day to finish them.  I make no promises, excuses or apologies.  I will only say that I miss you all and that I'm in it for the long haul, because this place and you guys bring me happiness. 

How about less boring chatter and more eye candy!?  This next polish is brought to you by ... Another bottle of polish?!, thank you sweet sweet lady!!

Color Club -  Alter Ego

How sexy is this beast?  Aside from sexy it's a really interesting color.  I can't even say color because it's all about the finish.  There is so much shiny fleck goodness you can literally use it as a mirror. 

Perhaps in this terribly lit photo you can see the boat load of purple, gold and silver flecks.  Otherwise, the color is greyish purple.

 Even in the dark you can use it to check your lipstick.

From what I have seen, this color is similar to Hard Candy - Mr. Wrong.


My cat says hi!

Her pinky needs shaping, maybe into a squoval.  She should read this post.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Humorous vulgarity ahead

I think we can all agree that Illamasqua is a unique company.  They have a knack for thinking outside the box with pretty much every aspect of their company.  Take a look at any collection they have previously created and I bet money the most common reaction is likely, "wow!"

Part of Illamasqua's charm is their style of product naming, which I find quite entertaining, scandalous, and the perfect breeding ground for vulgar humor ... right up my alley!  The theme and inspiration for "The Theatre of the Nameless" collection seems to be centered around the most illicit of nightlife participants who probably wish to remain anonymous.  However, the polish names in this new collection are so memorable, there is nowhere to hide. 

Please put your mind in the gutter so that we may begin ....

I have to start with this one ...

Illamasqua - Taint
2 coats

Holy shiz ... literally ... the best name for this color considering the location of well ... you know ... the perineum. <---click if you want to brush up on some human anatomy

The formula and brush were very nice for me.

The finish on all of these polishes is a new waxy "rubber-look".  I usually love creams and jelly's, but for some reason preferred the rubber look on all of these.

Here is a comparison between a shiny and a dull Taint.  

Illamasqua - Vice
2 coats

This could use a third coat if you are not a fan of visible nail line.  Also, if you plan to wear this color, it may be necessary to purchase a whip.

Vice does look slightly different in different lighting situations.  More vampy in low light.

Illamasqua - Kink
2 coats

*Random thought* ...
When you were in high school and someone wore green, did you guys used to say they were horny?  Weird, I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Here is another shot showing a shiny and rubber finish. 

Now that you have purchased a whip, you may want to invest in rubber thigh high boots to complete the look ... and get KINK-AY!

And the most difficult one to photograph for last ...

Illamasqua - Faux Pas
1 coat

I had to doctor this photo a bit to get the color right because my camera likes to make it blue.  Although the color is described as a blue violet, it's definitely on the purple side, as shown.

I think the best thing about these polishes are the names and the rubber finish.  I never thought I would like the satin/suede/rubber finish, but since these are very basic colors it gives them a little something extra.

And because I can't help myself ...

Look, a Taint on my coffee cup!  

*The polishes in this post were provided by Illamasqua's PR department ... thank you!*