Doors, Drawers and Automobiles

Do you know what I hate?  Breaking nails.  Actually having the choice to take down nail length is a good feeling, otherwise cursing and wishing I could take back those 5 seconds takes over my whole being.

We can give all the moisturizing love we want to our nails, but if we don't modify simple everyday tasks, nail breaks will happen ... frequently.  Trust me, I am the master of breaking nails for no good reason.  Hopefully, this post will make you think twice about how you approach door handles, zippers, and countless other stupid tasks that have resulted in broken nails. And if you don't believe me ask any of these lovely ladies how they open a drawer ....
ANOTHER Bottle of Polish?!
Nail Bamboo
Nails Beautiqued
Manicure Addict
Acetone and Old Lacquer
Them Pretty Colors
My Simple Little Pleasures

Am I seriously telling you how to open a drawer ... YEP.

Let's consider the following situations in picture form:

Do you see this stupid red door?  I hate it.  It's red because it's evil like the devil.  Actually this is the door from this post.

This is the improper way of opening/closing the hinge.  As you may imagine, one slip and the thumb nail is a gonner.  This is exactly what happened in this previous post. 

Also look at this sexy polish here.

A better way to handle this situation is shown here.  Tuck in the thumb and use the side of your fingers to slide the hinge.


BUT! Then you still have to pull the door open or shut.  Don't use the hinge to do this either.  This should be done like so ....

Manipulate the door open/closed by grabbing a hold of it from the top of the stall. GENIUS!

I can't tell you how many times my hands have slipped with this drawer.  Instead of lightly gripping it like shown ...

... grip that baby firmly!  No slippage, guaranteed!







 Want to see more of this polish? Go here.

How about knobs?!

Not like this.

Like this!

Then there are those knobs with buttons for locks.  My thumb nails can't function around them.  I use my knuckle.

I'll probably have a bone growth there eventually ... better than a broken nail though.


Is there anything strange that you do to avoid breaking a nail?



P.S. The title of this post was inspired by the hilarious movie... Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.  John Candy is AWESOME.

Like an old lady

...correction ... the coolest old lady ever!  Sometimes I get pleasantly surprised on the metro.  Usually there is some jerk clipping his nails or doing something else really disgusting.  Recently, however, I saw this old lady (sorry old lady your sun damage gave you away) with a bangin' mani, which inspired me to have something similar. 

She was wearing something dark, not black, but so darn shiny that it blinded me from a far.  She was totally fierce!

OPI - Midnight in Moscow

In this lighting it looks black, but oh so hot.

Direct sun shows the burgundy tones within.

Simply delicious.

Crisp and classic.  Good job old lady, I strive to be like you one day ... minus the wrinkles.

Look at this crap no one wants in Ulta.  Fail Fiona, Fail.  You are not that fierce. 

M to the I to the A

Oh hey there guys!  Long time no see.  Typically I hate the types of posts that explain long absences, so writing this post is like torture.  More often than not, life gets busy and priorities set in right?  I'll spare you the dirty details, but that is exactly the case at the moment.  I have so many things to write about (or in progress posts), but not enough hours in the day to finish them.  I make no promises, excuses or apologies.  I will only say that I miss you all and that I'm in it for the long haul, because this place and you guys bring me happiness. 

How about less boring chatter and more eye candy!?  This next polish is brought to you by ... Another bottle of polish?!, thank you sweet sweet lady!!

Color Club -  Alter Ego

How sexy is this beast?  Aside from sexy it's a really interesting color.  I can't even say color because it's all about the finish.  There is so much shiny fleck goodness you can literally use it as a mirror. 

Perhaps in this terribly lit photo you can see the boat load of purple, gold and silver flecks.  Otherwise, the color is greyish purple.

 Even in the dark you can use it to check your lipstick.

From what I have seen, this color is similar to Hard Candy - Mr. Wrong.

Thoughts?

My cat says hi!


Her pinky needs shaping, maybe into a squoval.  She should read this post.

Humorous vulgarity ahead

I think we can all agree that Illamasqua is a unique company.  They have a knack for thinking outside the box with pretty much every aspect of their company.  Take a look at any collection they have previously created and I bet money the most common reaction is likely, "wow!"

Part of Illamasqua's charm is their style of product naming, which I find quite entertaining, scandalous, and the perfect breeding ground for vulgar humor ... right up my alley!  The theme and inspiration for "The Theatre of the Nameless" collection seems to be centered around the most illicit of nightlife participants who probably wish to remain anonymous.  However, the polish names in this new collection are so memorable, there is nowhere to hide. 

Please put your mind in the gutter so that we may begin ....

I have to start with this one ...

Illamasqua - Taint
2 coats

Holy shiz ... literally ... the best name for this color considering the location of well ... you know ... the perineum. <---click if you want to brush up on some human anatomy

The formula and brush were very nice for me.

The finish on all of these polishes is a new waxy "rubber-look".  I usually love creams and jelly's, but for some reason preferred the rubber look on all of these.

Here is a comparison between a shiny and a dull Taint.  

Illamasqua - Vice
2 coats

This could use a third coat if you are not a fan of visible nail line.  Also, if you plan to wear this color, it may be necessary to purchase a whip.

Vice does look slightly different in different lighting situations.  More vampy in low light.

Illamasqua - Kink
2 coats

*Random thought* ...
When you were in high school and someone wore green, did you guys used to say they were horny?  Weird, I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Here is another shot showing a shiny and rubber finish. 

Now that you have purchased a whip, you may want to invest in rubber thigh high boots to complete the look ... and get KINK-AY!

And the most difficult one to photograph for last ...

Illamasqua - Faux Pas
1 coat

I had to doctor this photo a bit to get the color right because my camera likes to make it blue.  Although the color is described as a blue violet, it's definitely on the purple side, as shown.

I think the best thing about these polishes are the names and the rubber finish.  I never thought I would like the satin/suede/rubber finish, but since these are very basic colors it gives them a little something extra.

And because I can't help myself ...

Look, a Taint on my coffee cup!  

*The polishes in this post were provided by Illamasqua's PR department ... thank you!*

Which one is not like the other?

I have been waiting to "unyellow" my nails.  I'm going to continue to be secretive about why, but I want to show you why I prefer to buff versus other options, such as lemon juice, backing soda, peroxide, etc. 

First let us take a look at the horror that is my yellow nail bed ... you might want to get a waste basket just in case you start to regurgitate at the sight.

There are uglier pictures here.


Ewwww ... there are no words.

DUDE ... I love my buffer.  The transformation is just wowza!

I personally love my square buffer that I showed here and here.

As I have discussed in previous posts, buffing should be done in moderation.  If your nails are thin you may want to just skip it altogether or be very light handed and use a very high grit strength buffer. 

My favorite buffer has a grit strength of 400 - 600.  There are even higher grit strengths out there and should be used for thinner/weaker nails.

The results are amazing.  

Look at that ring finger!

I can never achieve results like this with lemon juice, peroxide, etc.

My hubby said, "Oh look, now your nails don't look like you've been smoking for 20 years"

... jerk ... then I scratched him across the face with my newly stain-free nails. 

Bonus picture: OPI - Bubble Bath (2 coats)

Cherry fight!

One of the most memorable and fun times I remember as a kid was going to "pick your own" fruit at an orchard.  They take you out on a big tractor and like Peter, you pick a peck of pickled peppers ... except we usually picked strawberries and cherries.  And by "pick" I mean shove as many into your mouth when no one is looking and then the rest go in the basket.   

China Glaze - Bing Cherry

How amazingly beautiful is this polish?  It has a really pretty hue very reminiscent of Bing cherries and so the name is quite perfect.  The thing I like most, however, is that it has a very delicate shimmer that in my mind mimics the skin of cherries. 

I love food inspired polish names.  It combines two of my favorite things. :)







Lamp light

Sunlight

This polish is like heaven to apply.  It's very pigmented and  just glides on the nail.  This is two coats.

Indirect natural light

Picking cherries was always really fun.  At some point my sister and I would tire of the "picking" and a pit spitting fight would ensue.  We would leave the farm covered with crusty cherry bits from head to toe.

Aside from the fruit, the orchard had an animal farm with goats that would chase you for corn feed and then horn you if you didn't give it to them promptly.  

Have you ever picked your own fruits or vegetables at a farm?

Next time you eat cherries pelt the pit at a loved one and see what kind of fun follows. :D

Look mom I can see through my nails!

Do you know what happens to my nails after getting water logged?  Aside from getting fat ... they get invisible.

I see London, I see France ... I can see down your underpan.... wait no ... my nails get clear and I can see right through them.  

Sorry for the yellow nails.  I'm waiting for something ;) and until then enjoy my jaundiced finger nails in all their glory.

So after an hour or two of shoving my face full of wet crabs my nails got pretty see through.

That's the natural response nails have when they are submerged in moisture for long periods of time.  They are actually not too bad this time.  After a long hot shower or bath they get much worse.

I think the thumb was the worst.  Had I left my thumb soak any longer all of the white part would have disappeared.

This scenario gives me an opportunity to make a good point ...

... at this stage your nails are soft, pliable, weak, and more likely to tear.

*PLEASE BE CAREFUL*

Avoid filing, using your nails as tools, and polishing.

If you are thinking to yourself ... "wait a minute, we want the nail to be flexible, this is perfect!"  Unfortunately, the nail is a bit too soft at this stage.  Imagine wet paper.  Nail hardness is NOT balanced with flexibility, therefore the nails are not as strong as they could be.  Be gentle to avoid tearing.  I avoid all filing until ...

... they are back to this stage.
 
Don't worry though, they will always go back to the original solid color once they dry up.  It's now safe to file.  Other cautionary measures for your nails are discussed here. 

I think I had base coat on at this point so they are a bit more shiny too.  *still yellow as hell :(

Sometimes I just get holes in my nails ... weird.  But again, it always goes back after it dries up.   

Because nails behave this way I seriously dislike "wet manicures", which involve soaking the hands in soapy water at the start.  You will see this in some nail salons and YouTube video's all the time.  I hate it (I know those are strong words) and find it to be dated and very (old) textbook.  There are other, better methods out there.  Although soaking has some advantages, like making pushing back cuticles or removing the true cuticle easier, it introduces an inherent weakness to the nail during the manicure process that I just would like to avoid, hence prefer a "dry manicure".  I know some people actually prefer filing after soaking, but unless you have extremely thick nails that are difficult to file, I would avoid it.  Those who have extremely thick nails would benefit from lower grit strength files to take down length.



If you visit a salon and they don't know what a dry manicure is ... run.  I'm just saying ... why would a normal consumer know what that is and a professional not? 

Do you notice your nails get clear?  Do you prefer to soak your nails at the start of your mani?

Dirty Crabs

Eating crabs is a dirty job, but someone has to do it.  This weekend, that lucky lady was me.  Yay for my belly, nay for the mani.  Normally when I participate in this activity it is hell on the nails and hands.  I end up with micro-cuts and acetone has no mercy.  Furthermore, the wetness makes my nails obese.

If you are on the west coast, or in other parts of the world, you are probably looking at this picture and wondering, 'why is she excited about eating muddy crabs?' 

photo credit

The deliciousness on these blue crabs is a seasoning mainly well known in Maryland and the surrounding regions of the U.S.; it's called Old Bay.

Have you ever tried Old Bay?
If you ever get the opportunity ... try eeet!

The crab says hi!

Then I ate him, he was delicious.

It's too bad the first time I get to show you China Glaze - Heart of Africa is with all this muck on my hands.

How is this? Oh woops, still dirty.

I promise to show you Heart of Africa properly in a future post because it is GORGEOUS, not to mention a fantastic fall color!

Do you see the terror?!  My nails are so fat.

I showed my engorged water logged nails once before in this post. 

Once I cleaned up, the mani was a bit scraggly, but doable ... um except then this happened ...

 Peeka boo, I see you!

Mani ... dead. 

What do you think ... save them for later? 

The hubbie tried to fit them on his fingers ... ROFL.

I've never had Dungeness crabs so I am super jealous of the Cali girls, BUT blue crabs are delicious and worth all the mess, cuts and a dead mani. 

Grape Flavor

Why is it that artificial flavors never taste like the real thing?  Some of the worst imitations have to include grape, watermelon, and cherry.  Don't get me wrong I love cherry flavor, it just never tastes like a big bowl of Bing cherries.

photo credit

This leads to my Nail Of The Day:

China Glaze - Grape Juice
3 coats

*eye roll at my camera*
The color of this polish is not blue, really it's purple, but this picture does show how deep, rich and sparkly it is in lower sunlight.

Normally my grape juice does not include sparkly glass shards, but I won't lie, I like China Glaze's take on grape juice.

In full sunlight.  The glass flecks are so shiny!

Purple! The color is a more deep in reality.

I did three coats for the full mani, but here I am showing what it looks like at one and two coats.

I could have stopped at two, but I feel the color looks much more rich at three.

3 coats

Indirect light.

This picture is more color accurate than the first picture. 

photo credit

The absolute worst artificial flavor ...

... BANANA ...

... but they are so cute though!

I love real banannas ;P

Lemon has to be my favorite fake flavor.  I love sour things! :)

What is your favorite flavor of hard candy, least favorite?