Friday, July 13, 2012

Out of context

If you have a blog then you know about the feature in blogger which allows you to see the phrases people type into their search bars that happen to route them to your blog.  If not, let me just tell you, this feature really is the highlight of my day sometimes.  I'll catch some off the wall keywords that seem way out of context, but upon closer inspection I do have relevant posts.  I have linked the keywords.  Also, to really stay in context, I'll show you one seriously radical duochrome.


1. "6 ways to fight a crack whore"   ...... um, I didn't know I wrote a manual on this topic.  Perhaps it can be a chapter in my dissertation!?

CQ - Idyllic (544)


2. "Fat woman peeling oranges"    ..... hold up!  Is this a club?  Are they looking for new members or a spokesperson?



3. "Your fucking with the wrong bitch"  ..... weird.  This happens to be my personal motto, bad grammar included because it's more bad ass this way.




4. "Baby in a jar with formalin" .... WTF? I actually gasped at this one.




5. "How to shave your vag" .... lololol... I may have to make this a future post.  I owe it to the people.

I hope you got as many giggles out of these keyword searches as I did.  One thing is clear, I have an uncanny ability to use seriously inappropriate words for a nail blog.

Isn't CQ - Idyllic (544) beautiful?

36 comments:

  1. OMG I seriously cried laughing so hard. Your witty commentary on it is just priceless. I look at those a few times a week to see, and I've had some weird ones, but never as funny as yours. I think my funniest (which isn't funny next to yours) was "devils manicure."

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    1. The real gems you have to catch with that "now" button because rarely does more than one person search this kind of weirdness or more than once. Otherwise, they get shuffled under keywords like "nail swatch blah blah", ya know?

      Actually "devils manicure" sounds kind of bad ass.

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  2. Lol!! @5: maybe you referred to Ji from RBL in a post? I heard somewhere that she likes to share her experience with this topic in her blog posts...:)

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    1. lol, I know exactly what you are talking about! That was straight up bananas.

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  3. OMFG! I love this. I get some weird crap sometimes, but yours take the cake!! Love it.

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  4. Bahaha This is funny! I get the odd head scratcher search word/ phrase, but nothing compared to the gems you get lol!

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  5. I desire that polish.. also I feel that my searched keywords are terribly boring in comparison! I eagerly await your post on #5. I just cannot for the LIFE of me figure out how to do that. *busts out machete*

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  6. LOL for the longest time, the key phrase that led perps to my blog was "porn from china" (due, no doubt to my China Glaze stash porn post-really i was just askin for pervy searchers with that one)...and i thought THAT was bad!

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    1. lol i meant PEEPS, although perps might actually work, too..

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    2. LOLOLOL. oh Freudian slips ... just awesome.

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  7. Does it search the comments too for these phrases? I look at those as well and get some off the wall crap too! So freakin funny! I esp love the fat women peeling oranges-must be a fetish club!

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    1. I think it does. With that "baby in a jar" one, I don't ever recall using the word "jar", but someone did in a comment.

      Oh man, you are probably so right on the fetish thing. I have a bunch more that have serious sexual innuendo.

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  8. LMAO OMG ahhaha this made my day.. I need to go check this out, I have never looked at this feature, thanks for the laugh and although I got distracted this polish looks very pretty!

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  9. And I thought I had funny ones. These really made my day. And the pics are gorgeous.

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  10. This is a very good reminder that no matter how weird you think you are, there's always someone (or 5 someones) out there who is waaaaaay weirder. Hi-larious.

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  11. HAHAHAHAHA! I love looking at phrases/catchwords people are using to get to my blog too and half the time, I'm left scratching my head in abject stupidity, lol! You, my beautiful genius, have the BEST potty mouth any nail polish blogger can ever aspire to!!

    Oh yeah....that colour? S-I-C-K!!! I'm such a fool for duo chromes......

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  12. There are SIX ways to fight a crack whore???? I just only know the one way... curiouser and curiouser...

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  13. lololol THANK YOU for posting this! It actually had me sitting here laughing so much that the boy asked me what I thought was so funny :P

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  14. holy freakin guacamole. the best post ever.

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  15. WTF! xD This cracked me up!

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  16. LOL! Love this post and the color!!
    (One time someone found my blog via 100% silicone sex dolls! :-S)

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  17. Bahahaha! LOVE this post, especially the first one. And your swatches of Idyllic have convinced me to repurchase it after sending it to Zoya for their Earth Day promo. :)

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  18. lol :D it seems that I'm not dirty enough in my posts to get gems like these, I must work on that ^_^

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  19. God, that is hilarious! I haven't had anyone find my blog quite like that yet!

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  20. Thanks for sharing--I laughed out loud.

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  21. I love this post! I was thinking lately I need to sexy up my blog, this is really inspirational hahahahaa

    For me, this is ground breaking. Going off now to research how to find these key search terms on my blog. I am not super computer savvy, I just don't like sitting there in front of a computer working I guess, but these sparkling gems would be worth mining for!

    Thank you for another super awesome read! By reading bloggers like yourself I am becoming a better blogger too, so thank you!

    Keep up the beautiful work. Oh, by the way, your hair is amazingly gorgeous too.

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  22. "Baby in a jar with formalin" ...sounds like something at Marilyn Manson's house. These are really funny. I checked mine recently and got "Batz Maru fingering" WTF?

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  23. :D OMG people are crazy (#5 is scaryyyy!)

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  24. I NEVER get cool search terms! Cue to spruce up language? I think so :D

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  25. Oh girl, you crack me up! The orange peeling tuto was hilarious :D Just found your blog, loving it! Thanks a thousand times for all the priceless info. Keep it up! (: Ps. adore your hair, too.

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  26. Hilarious. I have actually never looked to see how people reach my blog. After seeing this post, I think I'm a little scared to look. Lol. 6 Ways to Fight a Crack Whore. Ummm. I think I actually knew a few people at my first college job who could have benefited from reading such a post. :)

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  27. This made my day & truly made me LOL, I'm not sure which is my fave... ok, ok, you twisted my arm - it's TOTALLY 6 Ways to Fight a Crack Whore... HILARIOUS!!!! Off to Google I go to see how I can protect myself from said Crack Whore. LMFAO

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  28. OMG, how did I miss this post of yours!! Baby in a jar with formalin is really fucking creepy though!! I can't say I've anything as weird or funny as yours. I think the weirdest thing I've gotten so far is "small blisters on fingers" and I think I got one about maxipads or something.

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  29. I am *snorting* with laughter! All I ever get is boring, nail-related phrases. Looking forward to that new how-to post! ^_-

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