Saturday, October 1, 2011

Humorous vulgarity ahead

I think we can all agree that Illamasqua is a unique company.  They have a knack for thinking outside the box with pretty much every aspect of their company.  Take a look at any collection they have previously created and I bet money the most common reaction is likely, "wow!"

Part of Illamasqua's charm is their style of product naming, which I find quite entertaining, scandalous, and the perfect breeding ground for vulgar humor ... right up my alley!  The theme and inspiration for "The Theatre of the Nameless" collection seems to be centered around the most illicit of nightlife participants who probably wish to remain anonymous.  However, the polish names in this new collection are so memorable, there is nowhere to hide. 

Please put your mind in the gutter so that we may begin ....

I have to start with this one ...

Illamasqua - Taint
2 coats

Holy shiz ... literally ... the best name for this color considering the location of well ... you know ... the perineum. <---click if you want to brush up on some human anatomy

The formula and brush were very nice for me.

The finish on all of these polishes is a new waxy "rubber-look".  I usually love creams and jelly's, but for some reason preferred the rubber look on all of these.

Here is a comparison between a shiny and a dull Taint.  

Illamasqua - Vice
2 coats

This could use a third coat if you are not a fan of visible nail line.  Also, if you plan to wear this color, it may be necessary to purchase a whip.

Vice does look slightly different in different lighting situations.  More vampy in low light.

Illamasqua - Kink
2 coats

*Random thought* ...
When you were in high school and someone wore green, did you guys used to say they were horny?  Weird, I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Here is another shot showing a shiny and rubber finish. 

Now that you have purchased a whip, you may want to invest in rubber thigh high boots to complete the look ... and get KINK-AY!

And the most difficult one to photograph for last ...

Illamasqua - Faux Pas
1 coat

I had to doctor this photo a bit to get the color right because my camera likes to make it blue.  Although the color is described as a blue violet, it's definitely on the purple side, as shown.

I think the best thing about these polishes are the names and the rubber finish.  I never thought I would like the satin/suede/rubber finish, but since these are very basic colors it gives them a little something extra.

And because I can't help myself ...

Look, a Taint on my coffee cup!  

*The polishes in this post were provided by Illamasqua's PR department ... thank you!*


  1. I think I'm going to have to get Taint just for the name alone. But they are freakin' gorgeous!

  2. Haha, I love the last photo. I would purchase Illamasqua polishes more often if I had the time to drive to my nearest Sephora! The only Illa polish I have is Raindrops, and I love it so. They do have some glorious colors.

  3. Why did you make me click on the link?!? I know, I can't help myself!

    I'm waiting for these to show up at any Sephora near me!! Illamasqua makes some awesome looking polishes!

  4. I have to say, I think that I like my Taint shiny... :D

    Isn't the whole green and horny thing about the old joke that green M&Ms make you horny? Or am I waaay too old and out of step? lol

  5. Wow...I love faux pas but have to say that taint would have to be my most hated nail polish of all time. I am not at all a fan of brown...for poo reasons...and taint reconfirms all my poo issues!! I dont think i have ever seen a brown nail polish before...and never want to again!! But thanks for swatching!!

  6. I love the wax/rubbery finish on these and you are too funny!

  7. OMG I was giggling during this whole post and kind of inappropriately, too, since I'm sitting around listening to my aunt talking about various family members having dementia. *sigh* Whoa, boy! I'm exhausted!

  8. Faux Pas is BEAUTIFUL!! im so glad your showing us Illamasqua nail polishes! your pictures are always so pretty to lok at and your story lines are soooo entertaining! .ahahha

  9. I didn't think it was possible to get more giggly over a polish than Load, but then came Taint. I showed the other half and he was like, "No way." It didn't take much convincing after I said, "It's from the same company that made Load." OMG LMAO! XD I love Illamasqua.

  10. Taint and Vice are my favs, but they are all beautiful!

  11. I just got Kink, I can't wait to try it...

  12. Ok first off- my mind is always in the gutter! I am a very vulgar person and swear like a sailor! I love taint! So awesome! They also have one phallic from a different collection! In high school it was always if you ate green m&ms it would make you horny. I am ordering these right now!!

  13. I'm back and just broke my October no buy and it's all your fault! I got phallic, rampage, kink and taint! I hope you're happy!

  14. Such a lovely bunch of polishes! Taint is definately my favourite of them, and I can't wait till I get my nails on it!

  15. vice and faux pas look really nice, other two not so much

  16. I really like taint. *giggles*

  17. Tainted love.


    Your commentary is hilarious, by the way :L

  19. Wee-ha! Illamasqua sure got it right by sending these babies to you - fab review, mon amie!! And for the record, I don't get the green-horny connection; guess my high school didn't colour code moods!!

  20. Ahahahah, OMG, I'm rolling on the floor!
    This collection seems to be very interesting, my fav one is Vice. And BTW I already own a whip.

    (ok, ok, just kidding! :D )

  21. Gotta say, I love em all! I love those names and I am right there with you an your comments, heeheehee. Anyone that wore green was called horny! and I think a black leather wear is required for most of these polishes :0)

  22. Might have to get Taint just cuz it has a nasty name! I have a question I hope some day you'll cover. I have a high c curve and cannot paint my nails and get complete coverage on the sides without also painting my skin. How the heck do I avoid that? I've tried all sorts of things and hate to think my only option is cleaning up with acetone afterwards.

  23. I just saw that you've linked to my blog in your blogroll, and I just wanted to say thank you :)
    I love your blog, and your posts are always fun to read :)

  24. Tres, I have a high C curve also and have had issues with over painting, lol....I have found if I rock my finger to one side and then work my way to the other side, that helps...not sure if that makes sense without a visual...

  25. haha you are so funny! love the collection!

  26. I'm so glad you showed us these--I've been wondering what that "rubberized" surface would look like, and I didn't think I'd like it. But I LOVE it! Okay, now there are more Illamasquas I want

  27. Guys! Thanks for all the comments!! Sorry for the late replies ...

    @Kimberly - Totes dude.

    @elbee - omg I just looked that one up. So gorgeous!! Trade you one Taint for a Raindrop.

    @Angie - haha because it's important you know human anatomy. Besides name calling has just gotten classy.

    @Ice Queen - tee hee. omg, I actually think the whole m&m thing rings a bell.

    @sarah kretchmer - at least it's very smooth looking poo.

    @Maria - Aww, thanks Maria!

    @idrinknailpolish - hahaha, my hubs and I also had a good giggle.

    @Maki - I never thought I would like matte finishes till I tried these. Not too shabby!

    @Fashion Footing - yay, you kinky diva you!

    @Fingers - Mwahahaha, and thank you for confirmation on the green ;)

    @Chaosophia - And then you can tell people how you have a grundle on your nails ... rofl!

    @Lendoxia - lol, the finish on those pretty plain colors makes such a difference.

    @VijiiS - you dirty dirty girl!

    @Sinead - oh crap, now I have that song stuck in my head.

    @The Student's Guide To Nail Polish - hwa hahaha :P - Thanks lova! Perhaps the green horny thing gets lost at the Canadian border :P

    @Cristina - PeeBeforePolish - hahaha. Whip it good!

    @Gottwinkies - break out the leather boots girlfriend!

    @Tres - haha believe it or not I already took pictures about the question you asked. Now to have a free minute to write it up. Don't hold your breath, but it will happen ... one day.

    @lovepolish - awww thanks, my pleasure!

    @Selene and Theia - :D Thank you!!

    @AllisonL - I didn't either, but I love it!